You are truly an exceptional writer and i really enjoy reading what you’ve written. You’ve got that kind of natural talent for it that can’t be taught. I can’t imagine how awful feeling so misrepresented in that article felt. I’m glad you have your own platform to explain yourself more eloquently than they ever could.
There’s so much I want to say so I’ll do bullet points
1. I relate too much, when I was dying from a motorcycle accident I was worried about being a bother when receiving life saving care lmao, I was just writing about that (in my essay “girl on the run”)
2. Due to said accident I’ve been thinking about you and your boyfriend a lot from a distance, was like seeing me and my partner a few years earlier, in the hospital and discovering how to care and be cared for
3. I wanted to tell you words of encouragement and share how much I see what you’re going through but I’m shy sometimes
4. BRO the NYT piece was shady, it argues that the public has a claim on individual people’s bodies, which is creepy af and not true, nor shouldn’t be true for obvious reasons.
5. Besides, no matter what, due to illness, mental health, injury or time itself, bodies change, this is an indisputable fact our culture likes to ignore.
Beautiful soul. Your words resonate so deeply and across generations. As someone who has navigated eating disorders, chronic illness and the moments in between, I just want to wrap my arms around you and say thank you. Thank you for you in every season. Thank you for the way you share your heart, all the pieces with such grit and grace. Forever thankful that you exist in this world. Keep writing, keep creating in whatever ways bring you joy. You are a gift. Xo
as my own tussle w/ disordered eating patterns kicks up yet again, i want to acknowledge how much of a privilege it is to be given your perspective on what it’s like to be in a body.
the fear of being misunderstood whilst having only the best intentions is so innate to the human condition. the worst part is that it comes with the push and pull of wanting to honor yourself through offering an explanation for your actions, but at the same time wanting to exist above the perception of others by simply not giving a fuck to do so. not for the faint of heart.
anyways, in short, thank you for your vulnerability. you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said “i never claimed to be a role model”. all this goes to show how slippery of a slope idolization in the media can be. it’s important to note that nobody’s narrative exists without complexities and nuance. we’re all just messy humans and sometimes the best we can do is show up for ourselves. this is our first rodeo of existence for fucks sake.
Keeping it real and relatable and funny as always, Dronme. Thank you for sharing. I was worried when you were in the hospital and have been glad to see you on the mend. These parasocial relationships are weird as hell and you never owe us gremlins with our noses presses to the windowpane anything. I guess we humans just can't help caring about people we see online every day though, so I am grateful you felt like sharing all this. I for one started following you in 2020 when I was gaining weight and desperately looking for people who could wear cute clothes while having a tummy, and I've never felt "let down" or whatever by your body changing. A) it is most certainly none of my business, but also b) our bodies change without our say all the time (a lesson I had hammered into me during my pandemic weight gain). Most of the time we cannot answer to the mysterious shapes we become, and it's cruel to ask anyone to try.
I just want to say that I found your Instagram through the NYT article and recognised you as a model for Doen because I love the brand and so started following you. I want you to know I didn’t interpret anything negative about you in the article. No one has to explain or justify their own complex mental health struggles/eating disorder to anyone. I felt very sympathetic towards you based on the article alone and definitely don’t think you came across the way you fear you did.
I had a very similar experience with my mum (who I adore) passing her obsession with food and weight on to me, I was never particularly big but I was made to go to Weight Watchers with her at 12 and plenty more things I don’t need to go into. I am 35 and still working through unlearning, and forcefully remind myself probably several times a day that I don’t owe anyone thinness and that being a little chubby is a sign of me enjoying my life. It doesn’t always come naturally but with enough practice I think it will.
Dronme, this is really good stuff. Like really good. Immersive, honest, heartbreaking, reflective, hilarious, thoughtful. Words you can smell, and touch, places I‘ve never been to and people I‘ve never met, but I can see them all so clearly, I swear I know them intimately. And the parts I don’t know and haven’t experienced, I understand still. The fear of being misunderstood is real and I share it with you, but I hope you get me when I say, I get you.
Dronme, I can’t wait for the books, essays, poems, and whatever else your brain will create. You have a gift and it’s the reason we’re all here. Thank you for putting your heart here.
We of the screen noses love your work, wit and vulnerable beauty. I think Doen was my first exposure to you and loved the chubby video.
Who wasn’t struggling to navigate the weird surreality of 2020?
I did notice your new slimness knowing that we morph as humans and the body shows so much. No judging with my own acrobatics around sustenance and shame, soothing or the feeling of purity in emptiness / fasting.
Dang we go from active little boy bodies to budding preteens them mb mamas, we are amazing .! You are !
I also know that ultimately we listen to the quiet voice. And the joy of having a body !!!
The lungs signify grief - life is definitely complex
Love seeing through your eyes .
( Boonville got a bad rap , sorry bout the Carnival crew)
Hey to Steed for me , he’s awesome as well . Big love
Thank you for this. Your words are some of my favorite and I felt like it was the first time the thoughts of a woman have been echoed out into a way i could finally say “yes, that’s it! that’s what i’ve been trying to say!”. so, i’ll repeat my thank you and emphasize it because it takes courage to write it all down and send it out into the world that even one stranger could read it. And there are many. But thank you. And I hope these doctors orders create a habit of loving your body in the most mundane way and i am so lucky i get to now have a writing to peek back to to encourage me in my own journey.
And this right here, this might be my favorite bit.
“ My relationship with my body continues to be a turbulent one, but the fact that she hasn’t given up on me yet shows how deep her loyalty runs. She wants us to win, and it’s about time I start pulling my weight around here. ”
Who knows, maybe i’ll write my own substack one day and be quoting you as you do many other magnificent woman.
You are truly an exceptional writer and i really enjoy reading what you’ve written. You’ve got that kind of natural talent for it that can’t be taught. I can’t imagine how awful feeling so misrepresented in that article felt. I’m glad you have your own platform to explain yourself more eloquently than they ever could.
There’s so much I want to say so I’ll do bullet points
1. I relate too much, when I was dying from a motorcycle accident I was worried about being a bother when receiving life saving care lmao, I was just writing about that (in my essay “girl on the run”)
2. Due to said accident I’ve been thinking about you and your boyfriend a lot from a distance, was like seeing me and my partner a few years earlier, in the hospital and discovering how to care and be cared for
3. I wanted to tell you words of encouragement and share how much I see what you’re going through but I’m shy sometimes
4. BRO the NYT piece was shady, it argues that the public has a claim on individual people’s bodies, which is creepy af and not true, nor shouldn’t be true for obvious reasons.
5. Besides, no matter what, due to illness, mental health, injury or time itself, bodies change, this is an indisputable fact our culture likes to ignore.
This was so soothing to read, so thank you. We’re all just doing our best. Sending you my best, and all the best
Beautiful soul. Your words resonate so deeply and across generations. As someone who has navigated eating disorders, chronic illness and the moments in between, I just want to wrap my arms around you and say thank you. Thank you for you in every season. Thank you for the way you share your heart, all the pieces with such grit and grace. Forever thankful that you exist in this world. Keep writing, keep creating in whatever ways bring you joy. You are a gift. Xo
as my own tussle w/ disordered eating patterns kicks up yet again, i want to acknowledge how much of a privilege it is to be given your perspective on what it’s like to be in a body.
the fear of being misunderstood whilst having only the best intentions is so innate to the human condition. the worst part is that it comes with the push and pull of wanting to honor yourself through offering an explanation for your actions, but at the same time wanting to exist above the perception of others by simply not giving a fuck to do so. not for the faint of heart.
anyways, in short, thank you for your vulnerability. you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said “i never claimed to be a role model”. all this goes to show how slippery of a slope idolization in the media can be. it’s important to note that nobody’s narrative exists without complexities and nuance. we’re all just messy humans and sometimes the best we can do is show up for ourselves. this is our first rodeo of existence for fucks sake.
with love & care,
lo <3
Brought me to tears, Dronme. So glad to hear your lungs have come back online. Thank you for sharing your voice with all of us! You have a gift.
Keeping it real and relatable and funny as always, Dronme. Thank you for sharing. I was worried when you were in the hospital and have been glad to see you on the mend. These parasocial relationships are weird as hell and you never owe us gremlins with our noses presses to the windowpane anything. I guess we humans just can't help caring about people we see online every day though, so I am grateful you felt like sharing all this. I for one started following you in 2020 when I was gaining weight and desperately looking for people who could wear cute clothes while having a tummy, and I've never felt "let down" or whatever by your body changing. A) it is most certainly none of my business, but also b) our bodies change without our say all the time (a lesson I had hammered into me during my pandemic weight gain). Most of the time we cannot answer to the mysterious shapes we become, and it's cruel to ask anyone to try.
Being a human is hard and yet being a woman is somehow even harder…
I just want to say that I found your Instagram through the NYT article and recognised you as a model for Doen because I love the brand and so started following you. I want you to know I didn’t interpret anything negative about you in the article. No one has to explain or justify their own complex mental health struggles/eating disorder to anyone. I felt very sympathetic towards you based on the article alone and definitely don’t think you came across the way you fear you did.
I had a very similar experience with my mum (who I adore) passing her obsession with food and weight on to me, I was never particularly big but I was made to go to Weight Watchers with her at 12 and plenty more things I don’t need to go into. I am 35 and still working through unlearning, and forcefully remind myself probably several times a day that I don’t owe anyone thinness and that being a little chubby is a sign of me enjoying my life. It doesn’t always come naturally but with enough practice I think it will.
Beautiful, funny & emotional writing ~ I was so happy to see this in my inbox today. YAY for your lungs being back in action!
Dronme, this is really good stuff. Like really good. Immersive, honest, heartbreaking, reflective, hilarious, thoughtful. Words you can smell, and touch, places I‘ve never been to and people I‘ve never met, but I can see them all so clearly, I swear I know them intimately. And the parts I don’t know and haven’t experienced, I understand still. The fear of being misunderstood is real and I share it with you, but I hope you get me when I say, I get you.
Dronme, I can’t wait for the books, essays, poems, and whatever else your brain will create. You have a gift and it’s the reason we’re all here. Thank you for putting your heart here.
Ah Dronme
We of the screen noses love your work, wit and vulnerable beauty. I think Doen was my first exposure to you and loved the chubby video.
Who wasn’t struggling to navigate the weird surreality of 2020?
I did notice your new slimness knowing that we morph as humans and the body shows so much. No judging with my own acrobatics around sustenance and shame, soothing or the feeling of purity in emptiness / fasting.
Dang we go from active little boy bodies to budding preteens them mb mamas, we are amazing .! You are !
I also know that ultimately we listen to the quiet voice. And the joy of having a body !!!
The lungs signify grief - life is definitely complex
Love seeing through your eyes .
( Boonville got a bad rap , sorry bout the Carnival crew)
Hey to Steed for me , he’s awesome as well . Big love
Thank you for this. Your words are some of my favorite and I felt like it was the first time the thoughts of a woman have been echoed out into a way i could finally say “yes, that’s it! that’s what i’ve been trying to say!”. so, i’ll repeat my thank you and emphasize it because it takes courage to write it all down and send it out into the world that even one stranger could read it. And there are many. But thank you. And I hope these doctors orders create a habit of loving your body in the most mundane way and i am so lucky i get to now have a writing to peek back to to encourage me in my own journey.
And this right here, this might be my favorite bit.
“ My relationship with my body continues to be a turbulent one, but the fact that she hasn’t given up on me yet shows how deep her loyalty runs. She wants us to win, and it’s about time I start pulling my weight around here. ”
Who knows, maybe i’ll write my own substack one day and be quoting you as you do many other magnificent woman.
So, thank you. 🤍
beauty and vulnerability, truly love everything you write. sending you so much love 🫀
That last paragraph 🥹 🫶