You have such a profound way of highlighting raw human emotions. Sometimes in our most vulnerable moments we don’t react as expected, but that’s okay. Thank you for sharing and I wish you comfort during this time.
My dad died just over a year ago and it still grates on me hearing people put the dead on a pedestal. Most of the time my dad was kind, fair, honest and wise and witty and full of great film recommendations and, occasionally, surprisingly tender affirmations that he loved me. He was also selfish, stubborn, thoughtless and sometimes cruel. He was a whole person, as am I. We argued a lot. He disappointed and enraged me and was all too often unwilling to apologise. I loved him fiercely and I refuse to feel guilty about our arguments because they were honest and because there's no point. Thank you for sharing, writing helps me too. Sending you love.
My father died a month ago. It's been such a chaotic storm of emotions, thoughts, memories, blind frustration, profound loss, and overwhelming feelings intermixed with disconnected numbness. How to reconcile the lingering effects of childhood trauma he inflicted, with the certitude of how much he loved me, how proud he was of who i've become? I've navigated the loss of some friends and family over the years, but there's been nothing like this before. I wish i had words of wisdom or comfort to impart, anything to salve the rawness. It is so hard. Although you may be alone in the specifics of your loss, the human experience of loss is, unfortunately, universal. I think what people have been saying is correct - there is no wrong way to grieve. I wish for you peace, and comfort in knowing that your experience is not as alone as it may feel. From one recent semi-orphan to another. xx
This was a tough piece to read because it felt so visceral. I’ve never read anything that I could relate to so well, it makes me think that maybe we all have the same dad. Mine passed away when I was 16, and I’ve spent seven years trying to not think about the time surrounding his death. I hope you find peace with the situation in due time and I hope there are people there to hold you and grieve with you and listen to you. 🤍
Thank you. You’re not alone and when I acted like you did, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Thank you for taking a bit of that shame away, thank you for being human.
As someone who didn't have a good relationship with their dad, (he passed last year) I feel you so hard on that anger and wanting to hold on to it. Time will heal. Interesting that I feel his love and closer to him now that he's not here anymore. He was an addict so he completely wasn't himself anymore. Sending you love <3
Oh babe, I'm sending you ease and strength. There is no right way of doing this...being children of emotionally draining and unavailable parents is a special kind of hell. It is flat out not right and unfair that we are left to lick the wounds they have inflicted but it is something we'll do over and over even when we think they have scabbed over. In my very non expert opinion, we aren't meant to put this shit in a trinket box shoved way back in the corner of our minds. We aren't meant to have experienced the hurt we experienced from them in the first place so naturally we will go over it again and again. Thank you for sharing you, and be easy on her. Sending love.
You have such a profound way of highlighting raw human emotions. Sometimes in our most vulnerable moments we don’t react as expected, but that’s okay. Thank you for sharing and I wish you comfort during this time.
My dad died just over a year ago and it still grates on me hearing people put the dead on a pedestal. Most of the time my dad was kind, fair, honest and wise and witty and full of great film recommendations and, occasionally, surprisingly tender affirmations that he loved me. He was also selfish, stubborn, thoughtless and sometimes cruel. He was a whole person, as am I. We argued a lot. He disappointed and enraged me and was all too often unwilling to apologise. I loved him fiercely and I refuse to feel guilty about our arguments because they were honest and because there's no point. Thank you for sharing, writing helps me too. Sending you love.
The part when you weren’t ready to grieve and the way you were able to articulate that. Wow. Just wow. So many things to process. Sending you love 🫂
My father died a month ago. It's been such a chaotic storm of emotions, thoughts, memories, blind frustration, profound loss, and overwhelming feelings intermixed with disconnected numbness. How to reconcile the lingering effects of childhood trauma he inflicted, with the certitude of how much he loved me, how proud he was of who i've become? I've navigated the loss of some friends and family over the years, but there's been nothing like this before. I wish i had words of wisdom or comfort to impart, anything to salve the rawness. It is so hard. Although you may be alone in the specifics of your loss, the human experience of loss is, unfortunately, universal. I think what people have been saying is correct - there is no wrong way to grieve. I wish for you peace, and comfort in knowing that your experience is not as alone as it may feel. From one recent semi-orphan to another. xx
Your words make it feel so good to be a human being. Like there is a sort of sweetness even where it aches.
It’s late and I don’t have much to say other than the fact that I feel that I could read you for hours. Hours and hours straight’
I have read and re-read so many times. I’m thinking of you and your vulnerable writing is powerful.
Thank you for sharing that. My dad died in 2015 and I still feel like I’m processing it in a lot of ways.
There's no one way to grieve and you're not required to react in a particular way. Sending you all the love and healing ❤️
Your words are like claws that gradually scratch the remains left behind.
Thank you for having the courage to be human, to be you. Sending you love.
This is one of the best personal essays I’ve read in a loooooong time.
Truly 🖤
This was a tough piece to read because it felt so visceral. I’ve never read anything that I could relate to so well, it makes me think that maybe we all have the same dad. Mine passed away when I was 16, and I’ve spent seven years trying to not think about the time surrounding his death. I hope you find peace with the situation in due time and I hope there are people there to hold you and grieve with you and listen to you. 🤍
That’s actually a really interesting (and harrowing) observation on fathers...clearly so many of us relate. Wow. ❤️
May you find ease
Thank you. You’re not alone and when I acted like you did, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Thank you for taking a bit of that shame away, thank you for being human.
As someone who didn't have a good relationship with their dad, (he passed last year) I feel you so hard on that anger and wanting to hold on to it. Time will heal. Interesting that I feel his love and closer to him now that he's not here anymore. He was an addict so he completely wasn't himself anymore. Sending you love <3
Oh babe, I'm sending you ease and strength. There is no right way of doing this...being children of emotionally draining and unavailable parents is a special kind of hell. It is flat out not right and unfair that we are left to lick the wounds they have inflicted but it is something we'll do over and over even when we think they have scabbed over. In my very non expert opinion, we aren't meant to put this shit in a trinket box shoved way back in the corner of our minds. We aren't meant to have experienced the hurt we experienced from them in the first place so naturally we will go over it again and again. Thank you for sharing you, and be easy on her. Sending love.